i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
