I think I died a long time ago.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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