Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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