I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
