Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
