i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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