dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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