Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When are your genitals available?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
