So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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