I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
