oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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