Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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