Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize