Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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