trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
