can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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