I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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