I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
