The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
