I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
