I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
