Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He felt like a one man threesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
