Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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