Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
