My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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