went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
