the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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