I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
