There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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