I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
