My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
