as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
