He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
