She's JV to your varsity
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
