I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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