lets start a swedish sibling band together
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's blow job season.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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