I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
