Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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