I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
