We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize