Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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