Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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