You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
