im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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