Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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