i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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