spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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