why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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