You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize