Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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