3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
