I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
