so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
