Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
