Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
