I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
