I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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