We're facebook friends in real life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
