Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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