No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
