the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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