The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
