u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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