finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
