A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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