you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
