i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
